Are we having fun yet?
by Maano
Summary: Santana and Brittany have been married for three years, and the busy New York life is starting to get to them. In between the endless fights and their time-taking jobs, they juggle to save their marriage, in all possible ways. A Brittana story in progress. Rated T for language and sexual references.
1. Chapter 1

Santana curses as the door shrieks open. She softly closes the frontdoor and leans against the wall to take off her shoes. She tripples over to the livingroom and glances inside. There is no light burning. She softly sighs in relief.

Brittany's sleeping already.

She shuffles into the livingroom on her socks and looks at the clock, 1am.

Suddenly she screams as a bureau lamp switches on and the chair turns around.

"You're late. Again."

Santana internally curses. Brittany is looking at her with an angry frown on her face. She does not look amused and Santana knows her excuses aren't gonna work this time.

"Britt ..." Santana starts, but Brittany cuts her off.

"I don't even want to hear it, Santana. You promised me you would be home on time today, as you did for the last couple of days actually. You broke our promise. Again."

Santana sighs. She knows Brittany is right. She has been coming home late a lot recently, and Brittany hates it. Especially when Santana promises her everytime after their make-up sex that she will never be home late again. Which still happens.

Obviously.

Brittany sighs and stands up. "I'm going to bed."

"We .. We're not gonna talk about this?" Santana frowns.

"I don't feel like fighting right now, San. I'm just too tired."

"But, I .."

"No, Santana. Have fun sleeping on the couch tonight."

Santana gasps ''What ..? Are you serious? Britt! Don't walk away from me!''

The blonde doesn't turn around and Santana sighs.

_I guess it's another night on the couch .._

The next morning Brittany wakes up in a cold, empty bed. She remembers last night and closes her eyes again. She's getting so tired of these stupid fights.

She quickly snoozes her alarm clock and throws the blanket off of her. She shivers. The cold winter air comes sneaking in trough the window. She gets up and closes the drapes.

Suddenly she frowns and pulls up her nose. She smells something. It smells like ... Pancakes.

Brittany doesn't even bother to put on decent clothes, she opens the door and runs downstairs. Standing in the kitchen doorway, she sees Santana placing a plate with pancakes onto a tray, with coffee and flowers on it.

_Shit,_ Brittany thinks. _She was going to bring me breakfast in bed._

She considers the option of running back upstairs, lying in bed and acting like she hadn't seen anything, but meanwhile Santana has noticed her already.

''What are you doing, San?''

Santana smiles shyly ''I uh .. I wanted to make you breakfast in bed because I know how much you like that but, uh .. You're already here so ...I guess my plan kinda failed.''

Brittany can't help but to smile. Santana could be a real pain in the ass sometimes, but she was worth it. She has her sweet moments too.

''Thanks, Santana. You didn't have to do that ..''

''Yes I did, Britt.'' she walks over to the blonde and takes her hands between her own. ''I'm sorry for last night, babe. I know I'm letting you down a lot nowadays but ..I'm going to make it up to you. I promise.''

Brittany sighs ''I really, really want to believe you ..''

''And you should! I know I have said this before but I really am serious. I'll be home early, we can eat dinner together .. See a movie or ... Something..'' she smirks at Brittany and the girl grins.

''I hate you'' she laughs, and pulls Santana closer for a quick kiss.

''Now ...'' Santana continues ''Pancakes, Mrs. Lopez?''

Brittany chuckles ''Oh how I love it when you call me that ..'' she says sarcastically, and she picks up the tray and walks to the diningroom.

"So ..What are the plans for today? '' Brittany asks, stuffing her mouth full of pancake.

Santana laughs ''All yours babe. I've got a day off, so ..''

She smiles and kisses some sugar of her wife's lips. ''What about you?"

''Oh .. I uh .. I have to work but .. I'll be home around 4-ish ..''

Santana frowns ''I took a day off for you, Britt. You know I'll have to work double speed on monday to catch up with the work ..''

Brittany sighs and opens her mouth to speak, but Santana continues talking. ''And now I have a day off, and you're not home?"

San!" Brittany finally interrupts her. ''You didn't tell me you were taking a day off so how the hell should I have known? I'm not psychic, am I?"

"I just wanted to spend the day with you, is that too much to ask?''

''I'm sorry, Santana. But I have to go, I have a tour coming up, remember? I can't just drop everything for you, I still have a whole choreography to teach.''

Santana sighs ''Fine .. I'll just get some paperwork done at home, I guess.''

''Great.'' Brittany picks up a pancake and stuffs it in her mouth.

''I hwave to gwo.'' she mumbles as she stands up. Santana hints a smile at her and the blonde walks out of the room. She walks upstairs to the bedroom and opens the closet.

As she's searching for her sweatpants, she notices Santana standing in the doorway. She looks up.

''You need something?''

Santana shakes her head. ''No .. I just .. uhm, good luck today.''

''Yeah'' Brittany hints a smile at her ''Thanks''

Santana nods and turns around, walking out of the room.

Brittany watches her leave and sighs.

It's been like this for quite some time now.

It's like they barely have anything to say to eachother anymore.

They fight, they make out, they fight again.

It's just .. Too much.

Brittany changes into some jeans and t-shirt, and throws her gym clothes in a bag. She sprints downstairs and glances around the corner of the livingroom. Santana is sitting at her desk, bended over some papers. She's wearing her glasses and her bureau lamp is switched on.

Brittany bites her lip and watches her wife for a while. She still remembers what it felt like in the beginning, when they were so in love, and they would just simply do anything to make eachother happy.

That's gone now .. That feeling..

She misses it though.

Brittany walks over to Santana and stands behind her. She doesn't notice it at first, but looks up and smiles as Brittany pecks her on the cheek.

''I'll be back around 4'' the blonde whispers, and Santana quickly kisses her.

''Okay, I'll be here.''

Brittany smiles and runs a hand through the latina's dark hair.

Then she turns around and walks to out of the room. In the doorway, she glances over her shoulder and smiles.

She's gonna fix this.

* * *

As Brittany is trying to teach her group of morons a dance routine, Santana is trying to focus on her work. But her thoughts always spin back to Brittany.

She really has to get herself together if she wants to save this marriage. But sometimes she just doesn't know if it can still be fixed ..

Somewhere along the way they lost eachother, and they just don't seem to be able to catch up with eachother.

_Maybe we could use a break_, Santana thinks. But like, a break together. A holiday. Not like a break up.

Because she cannot handle that again.

And the fact that she's not always there for Brittany is not because she's cheating on her, or that she doesn't love her anymore. Because she does. Ridiculously much, actually. But it's just that the work is taking all of her time, and when she gets home, all they do is fight.

_Geez,_ Santana thinks. _Almost sounds like a straight relationship._ The only thing that's missing is Santana working 9 to 5, telling her wife she has to work over hours and then sit in a bar flirting with the bartender until 3am.

It's not that bad.

Yet.

She was so lost in thoughts that she didn't even notice the frontdoor open. She suddenly becomes aware of footsteps and noise in the hall and gets up from her desk.

Has she sat here all day?

She stretches her arms and her back and walks into the hall. Brittany's trying to take off her coat, but it seems like she got stuck somewhere.

Santana smiles and walks over to her wife, helping her with the coat. Brittany hints a smile at her.

''Thanks. ''

Santana smiles awkwardly. ''No problem..''

They walk into the livingroom and Santana sits down on the edge of the sofa as Brittany lies down fully stretched out on the couch.

''So ..'' Santana begins. ''What do you wanna do?''

Brittany sighs ''Right now I just want to sleep, honestly. Mike is still on his honeymoon so I was alone today, and the choreography is extremely hard, especially for those kids. I'm kind of exhausted..''

Santana nods ''Okay ..You mind if I come lay with you?'' The blonde opens her eyes, looks at her, and softly shakes her head.

''No, no ofcourse not..''

Santana smiles and Brittany shuffles a bit to the side, so Santana can lay beside her. She wraps her arm around the girl's shoulders and pulls her closer.  
''You want to sleep?'' She whispers, and she feels Brittany nod.

''Okay..'' Santana smiles to herself.  
''Then we'll just sleep ..'' She says quietly, and not much later, she closes her eyes.

* * *

Santana wakes up, feeling fingers strike through her long hair. She opens her eyes and looks at Brittany. She's still sound asleep.

It had actually been a while since they have like litterally _"slept together._ ''

But Santana can't deny that she really likes this feeling. She almost forgot how adorable Brittany looks when she's sleeping, and how the girl's breathing can calm her down when she can't sleep. Santana smiles as Brittany wiggles a bit and holds her tighter.

Santana watches the blonde sleep for a while until she slowly opens her eyes. ''Hey ...'' she whispers.

''What time is it..?'' Brittany's voice sounds tired and raspy.

Santana smiles at her and glances at the clock. ''Dinner time. It's almost 7.30.''

Brittany frowns sleepily ''I slept for more than three hours? How long have you been up?''

Santana nods ''Yeah.. You were pretty out of it, and I don't know, maybe two hours or so.''

''You've been awake for two hours just staring at me?''

Santana chuckles ''That sounds so creepy''

''It is ..'' Brittany smiles sweetly ''But it's kinda cute.''

Santana smiles goofily ''You hungry, babe?''

Brittany bites her lip and smiles.

''Always.''

After Santana had insisted on cooking, they were sat at the dinnertable. It's quiet in the room.

Santana clears her troath. ''Britt?''

''Myeah..?'' The blonde looks up at her wife. ''What's up?''

Santana bites her lip. ''Uh ..I don't really know how to say this ..'

''San.. You're scaring me..''

Santana chuckles ''Oh no, you don't have to be scared.''

''Then what is it?''

''Oh it's just ..Uh, it's nothing just .. Nevermind.''

''No, tell me.''

''Okay .. Well, we've been married for almost three years now, but .. We've never really discussed having kids .. Or .. something..''

Brittany frowns ''You want kids?''

''I .. I don't know.. We don't have to talk about it right now..''

The blonde nods and rolls some pasta on her fork.

''But if you do want kids then..'' Santana begins, but Brittany cuts her off.

''Babe. You know I love you, and ofcourse I want kids, I love them. But you're already barely home, you're never going to be there for them.''

''No, I .. - ''

'' - Santana, I'm just trying to be real here. Remember that one time we got a dog? It was your idea, and yet I was the one who constantly had to take care of her because you didn't have time.''

Santana bites her lip. ''Yeah .. I remember ..'' she mumbles ''But you can't compare that, Britt. That was a completely different situation you .. - ''

'' - No.'' Brittany interrupts her again. ''A dog is practically the same thing as a kid. It needs your attention 99% of the time, you have to feed it, take care of it ..''

Santana nods and stands up from the table. ''Just forget it ..''

''San. We're in the middle of a conversation here.''

''Not anymore ..'' She picks up her plate, turns around and walks to the kitchen.

Brittany sighs and puts some pasta in her mouth.

It's cold.


	2. Chapter 2

Santana places her plate in the kitchen sink, and leans with her back against the wall.

She lets out a deep breath and thinks about what she should do right now. She walks over to the window and places her hands on the windowsill. She leans forward and leans with her face against the cold glass.

It's kind of an awkward pose, but it always helps her think.

The sun is going down, causing the sky to colour a deep shade of pink.

Santana looks up as she feels two arms around her waist. Brittany rests her chin on her shoulder and sighs.

''I'm sorry, San. I cut you off too soon. I promise you I'll consider it. And now that I have thought about it, we had Wanky like, two and a half years ago .. We both have grown in the meantime so ..'' she pecks Santana on the cheek and sees her smile in the reflection of the glass. ''By the way .. There's no one else I would rather raise my children with'' she says quietly, and now Santana turns around.

''Really?''

"Really."

Santana smiles. "I'm sorry too.. I shouldn't have ran out so fast. And I know I would probably be a terrible mother b-"

"-Oh no, Santana don't say that! I bet you would be a great mom ..''

Santana laughs ''Britt ...I would show my kids what porn is. I would fucking do that and you know it.'' she laughs out and Brittany chuckles.

''Yeeah .. You probably would'' she smiles. ''But that's why I'm here, to keep you from doing stupid things..''

''And I am here to tell you you are not doing stupid things ..'' Santana smiles.

No matter how many fights they have, marrying Brittany was definitely the best decision she has ever made in her entire life.

Even though it took her a second time to actually go through with, she hasn't regret it one time since then.

When she thinks about her actions and words in the past .. She could just slap herself in the face.

Actually, she has literally done that before.

Brittany has always been so good to her, and they just have to find a way to hold that good feeling and keep it locked inside, so it can never slip away again.

''Britt ..?''

''Hmhm?'' the blonde smiles at her wife and takes her hand.

''Will you let me sleep in the bed again tonight?''

The smile on Brittany's face is so adorable that Santana nearly melts. There are these things she can do to her.

''Ofcourse.. If you really want to sleep ..'' she winks and a grin spreads across Santana's face.

She pretends to look at her watch, even though she's not wearing one, and looks surprised. ''Oh, Britt! Look ..It's already soo laaate ...'' she chuckles ''We should reeally go to bed..''

* * *

Santana rolls off of Brittany panting. The one good thing about not having ladysex that often anymore - make-up-sex doesn't count - is that you forget how good it is.

During that dark, depressing time that they were broken up, Santana has probably slept with the entire lesbian, bisexual and experimenting population of Louisville and New York, but sex with Brittany was just .. Mindblowing. Moancausing. Screamworthy.

It's this kind of sex you have to make up words for, because otherwise you can't even describe it.

Brittany lays beside Santana and rolls over on her side. She lays one arm over her wife's belly and looks at her.

''Are you ready to talk yet?''

Santana shakes her head. Brittany had this adorable habit of wanting to cuddle and talk until she falls asleep in her lover's arms, but meanwhile she has already figured out that Santana always needs a few minutes to, well .. Catch her breath.

Having a relationship with a professional dancer can be exhausting sometimes, but it was sure as hell worth it.

''Okay'' Santana whispers ''I'm ready.''

Brittany giggles at her.

She does this every. fucking. time.

Santana knows she just thinks that Santana's being cute but, she still doesn't understand how Brittany can go from a hot, sexy, kissing, licking, breathtaking woman, to just ... Brittany ..

Still, she smiles at her ''What do you want to talk about this time?''

Conversations with Brittany never get boring. She always brings up the most random, awkward of hilarious topics, which mostly just end up in them falling off the bed laughing at each other.

''Nothing weird .. I wanted to tell you something actually. I have thought about the baby thing some more, and -"

"- Britt, you told me you thought about that in the kitchen, and then we jumped into bed ... Oh my god were you thinking about babies during sex?''

Brittany's cheeks flush a bit and she looks down ''No ...''

Santana can't help but to smile at this adorable woman next to her. And it doesn't bother her at all though, honestly, she has thought about making ladybabies with her so many times ..

''It's okay, Britt,'' Santana chuckles ''Just continue ..''

''Well, I have thought about it. And I really think that if it's a boy we should call him Lord Tubbington.''

Santana bursts out laughing ''No way, Brittany! I'm sorry but .. No'' she laughs and Brittany pouts at her with a sad look in her eyes.

''Oh c'mon sweetie ... Lord Tubbington is the cutest name ever for a cat .. But for a babyboy?''

''Myeah ...'' Brittany mumbles sadly, and Santana smiles at her.

''Come here so I can kiss your adorable pout away'' she says, and Brittany turns to face her.

Santana softly kisses Brittany's lips, again, and again .. She presses a kiss on her cheek, her nose, her hair, her eyelids .. But it's only when she gets to her neck that she starts to giggle again. Santana laughs with her.

A normal couple would go all the way at such a moment, teasing eachother with kisses everywhere. And it's not that Santana wouldn't want that, but she wouldn't trade anything or anyone for this woman and her giggly sessions.

* * *

Santana throws a pillow on the ground and it bounces over to Brittany.

''WHY CAN'T YOU EVER JUST ACT A LITTLE BIT NORMAL?!'' She screams trough the livingroom. ''You always have to be special, you always need to be in the spotlight and God! I am getting so fucking tired of it! Why can't you just try to understand me for one time?! For one time in your life!''

She feels tears coming through, she should really stop screaming right now, or she's going to start crying.

Brittany is sitting on the floor, with her back against the wall.

They had been screaming and yelling at eachother for quite some time, before Brittany suddenly sat down and broke down in tears.

Santana's natural instinct would say that she had to just sit down next to her wife, hole her, and tell her everything will be okay.

That they will be okay.

But she's not so sure about that herself ..

The blonde can just drive her so crazy. She has this sweet side, but sometimes she's just exaggerating .. Then she suddenly acts like a four year old girl who cries because she didn't get a pony for Christmas. - This has probably really happened in Brittany's past -.

But Santana is done screaming now. Her throat hurts, and she can barely even remember what they were fighting about again.

She sighs deeply and looks at the curled up ball that is her wife. She's still sitting on the ground, hiding her face in her arms with her knees pulled up against her chest.

She's shaking.

Santana knows the blonde is crying, and that if she would look up now, her eyes would be all puffy and red, and her cheeks would be a light shade of pink. She would wipe away the tears with a sleeve of her sweater and then blink one time. Two times. Then she would look up at Santana and whisper that she's sorry.

But she doesn't do that this time.

Santana doesn't move either, she just stands there, in the middle of the livingroom.

And suddenly, she feels alone.

Not just alone, by herself.

But alone in the world.

Brittany was always the one on her side, she stood up for her, had her back. Just as Santana did for her.

But now they are turning on eachother, with no one else to go to ..

Santana raises her chin, swallows her pride, and walks up to Brittany. She taps her on her shoulder.

\- She's not a master in apologizing -

Santana clears her troath ''Brittany?''

''No ..'' the girl murmurs.

_Okay .. _Santana thinks_, just .. be nice, Santana. _

She softly sighs and sits down next to her wife.

''I'm sorry.'' She says.

''I'm sorry, Britt. I really .. really am .. I shouldn't have yelled at you, I know that makes you sad ..''

The girl doesn't look up. ''You wanted to make me sad.'' She states, and Santana tries really hard to think about her words right now.

''Yeah, I did, and I'm sorry. You made me angry, and you know I can't control my temper, Brittany ..''

''Yeah .. I know ..''

_Okay, this wasn't going too bad__ .._

''Okay .. But honestly Britt... I don't even remember what we were fighting about ..'' Santana says quietly, and she hears Brittany let out a small chuckle.

''Me neither ..'' the girl says, and she finally looks up.

As expected, her eyes are red and puffy, her cheeks are slightly pink, her little nose is a bit wet from the tears.

But even though Santana already knows how Brittany looks when she's been crying, it still breaks her heart everytime to see her like this.

She sighs in relief and hints a sad smile at her.

''Come here that I give you a hug ..'' Santana says, and Brittany shifts a little closer and lets Santana wrap her arms around her.

''San..?''

''Myeah baby?''

''Do you believe we can fix this?''

Santana bites her lip and then looks over at the blonde angel in her arms.

''I think we can do anything.''

''Really?'' The girls asks carefully.

''Really ..'' She smiles as she feels Brittany relax into her embrace.

It's like they perfectly melt together.

''And Britty?''

''Myeah ..?''

''... I love you ..''

Brittany smiles and looks her wife in the eye. ''I love you too ..''

* * *

''So ... You really want to do this?'' Santana asks carefully, yet hopefully, and she looks at the pamphlet in Brittany's hands.

The blonde shrugs ''Well yeah, if you still want to, ofcourse ..''

''Yeah, yeah ofcourse I do ..''

That didn't sound very convincing ..

Part of the reason for that was just that it scares the hell out of Santana, thinking she should take care of a tiny human being.

And the fact that Brittany would want to carry it, just made it ten times worse ..

Well, you would think it's better for Santana because she wouldn't have pain and throwing a all that crap, no ..

But she would be the one cleaning up the puke, and living with a hormonal bitch for 9 months.

Okay no, she's pretty sure Brittany wouldn't turn into some mama monster, but anyway ..

She would have the two people she loves the most, together in one body and that's what she's afraid of.

What if something would happen to them?

Brittany flips the pamphlet between her fingers and eventually opens it again. ''I got this from the pharmacie, they said to come ask if we had any questions.. I thought I'd write down the adress of the pharmacie, because obviously you have a lot of questions ..''

Santana frowns ''Don't you?''

''Well yeah, ofcourse I do .. I don't want to end up with a criminal in my belly, y'know what I mean?''

Santana chuckles and nods, even though Brittany is just imagining weird things again.

''So, I want some information .. But I would just go to a pharmacie to ask for it, you would search the entire internet so you wouldn't have to let someone real help you.''

Santana internally curses.

_Damn her. _

_Why does she know me so well._

''Okay fine ..'' Santana sighs. ''We can go to that pharmacie guy tomorrow.''

Brittany frowns. ''It's not a guy, San. She's a woman.''

_A pharmacie woman?_

_Oh god no .._

* * *

**Thoughts? **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, first of all, I want to clear something up for the guest review on the previous chapter. Santana was NOT beating Brittany, and she does not have awful thoughts about her. I thought I made it pretty clear that they do love eachother, but a marriage can be difficult and sometimes you get irritated or angry, it's completely normal.**

**They love eachother and that's why they want to fix their relationship. I'll try to be less confusing though**

**Also I apologize for grammar or vocab mistakes, English isn't my first language. And my Spanish, well .. not sure if it's even Spanish sometimes so don't be angry haha**

* * *

''Uh, babe ..?''

''Yah?'' Brittany looks up from the pamphlet and smiles.

''Where, uh .. wich pharmacie did you go to, sweetie?''

Brittany furrows her eyebrows and thinks for a second. ''I think it was ... Uh, pharmacie Monroe or something?''

Santana bites her lip ''Oh .. okay ..''

''Why? Is something wrong with that place?''

''No, no ..'' she places a hand on Brittany's arm and smiles. ''I just used to know someone who worked there. Just forget it.''

''Oh, okay"' Brittany shrugs and walks over to the couch. She sits down and turns on the tv. Santana walks up to her and sits down beside her, taking the remote to see what's on tonight.

Brittany frowns at her. She _used_ to know somebody there .. So that means she doesn't have contact with them anymore, right?

But Brittany has gone to that pharmacie before and had never seen a young girl, or well .. somebody Santana could've hooked up with ..

Only the woman behind the counter and a man occasionally walking by.

Anyway, she's not jealous or something, just curious.

''Uh, Brittany? Everything okay?'' She suddenly hears, and she snaps back in reality, raising her eyebrows at her wife.

''Yah?''

Santana chuckles ''You were staring at me''

''No I wasn't''

Santana smiles at the blone playfully ''Sure you weren't .. C'mere'' She opens her arms and Brittany snuggles up against her.

''Britty?''

''Hmhm..?''

''Do you wanna watch a Disney movie?''

Santana hears Brittany let out a chuckle and smiles.

''Duuh ..'' Brittany says laughing, and she jumps up.

She walks over to the tv and looks through the dvd collection. She searches for the Disney section - yes they have a special shelf for Disney movies - and her face lights up as she picks out a dvd case.

''Frozen?''

Santana grins ''Definitely.''

Brittany smiles brightly and puts the dvd in the dvd player. She plops down on the couch next to Santana and grabs a blanket, which she throws over their legs. She kicks off her shoes and pulls her legs up on the couch.

''Wait.'' Santana says, and Brittany turns to her.

''I'm gonna get some popcorn.'' She says as she looks up, and Brittany smiles and shakes her head softly. Santana can simply not watch a movie without popcorn ..

''Can you bring chips?'' Brittany shouts, receiving a _sure _from her wife. A commercial about Cinderella comes on, dragging Brittany's attention back to the screen.

She hears a _thud_ as Santana puts down the bowl of popcorn, and she looks up. She takes the bag of chips out of her hands and smiles, before patting beside her on the couch.

Santana sits down and pulls the blanket over her legs again. They both watch the tv in awe as the Disney castle comes on.

Santana never used to pay much attention to it, she just wanted to start the movie as soon as possible, until Brittany explained how special it actually is. What the symbolic meaning is. Or at least, what she sees in it.

Santana wouldn't be able to explain Britt's theory to someone else, part because she has told her like four years ago, but she understands what it means.

And that's the most important, right?

Brittany leans forward to grab the remote and she zapps over the main menu.

''Oooh do you wanna watch in Spanish?'' She says excited and Santana laughs.

''Really?''

''Really!'' Brittany laughs out. ''How funny would that be? Olaf! Tu estas meltos!'' She shouts and Santana bursts out in laughter.

''You are so crazy '' she chuckles and Brittany wiggles her eyebrows at her and laughs.

''But you looove me''

Santana smiles ''Yeah I do'''

The blonde smiles adorably.

''Algunas personas son dignos de fusión para..'' Santana winks at her and a goofy smile spreads across Brittany's face. ''You can make everything sound hot in Spanish..''

Santana smirks ''Siempre soy caliente.''

''Oh , just shut up!'' Brittany laughs. ''Or I'm gonna start in French!''

''Oh, please do.'' Santana giggles ''You always sound so adorable..''

Brittany glares at her, but she can't stop her lips from curling into a smile, so she looks straight forward and starts the movie.

In English.

* * *

''So .. About the kid thing ..'' Brittany begins, and she chews on some bread before swallowing it. ''Don't you feel that we're kinda rushing it? I mean, you only asked me about it like .. less than a week ago.''

Santana sighs relieved. ''I was thinking the exact same thing .. I mean, it's just .. A lot of responsabilty, y'know?''

Brittany nods while taking some salad and putting it on her plate. Before she puts down the salad fork, she looks at Santana '''You want some?''

Santana shakes her head. ''No, thanks ..'' she mumbles.

''But I mean, where is it going to sleep? And you .. You can't just give up your job for this ..''

''San, I'm not just giving up my job. Ofcourse not ..''

''But how are you going to go on tour with a baby in your belly? The first two months you can probably still dance but .. After that ..''

Brittany frowns and looks down. Santana can tell she hadn't exactly thought about that yet.

''I'm not first in line for lumping around with a kid inside of me but .. I don't want you to give up something I know you love more than anything in the world ..''

Brittany shakes her head and locks eyes with Santana. ''I would give up something I love, for the two things I love even more. Or three, if it's a twin''

The brunette smiles sweetly. ''I love you so much, Brittany. But just ..think about it some more, okay? I don't want you to do something you may regret..''

''I would never ever regret having a child with you, San. Even if I have to put my career on a hold for some time.''

Santana smiles at her, and suddenly chuckles, causing Brittany to frown at her. ''Did I say something funny?''

Santana laughs and shakes her head ''No, I just wanted to tell you to finish your dinner before it gets cold but, then I realised we were eating salad so it absolutely wouldn't make sense ..''

She lets out a chuckle when she sees Brittany looking at her with an _okay-then_ expression, and she stuffs some salad in her mouth. "Just ignore me I'm being weird"' she snorts, and when she hears Brittany giggle, she looks up.

''I think you're adorable''

''Can you say _that_ in French?'' Santana smirks and Brittany raises an eyebrow at her.

''I will take that challenge..''

She bites her lip and thinks for a second. ''Je pense que tu es adorable ..'' she smiles sweetly ''Et tu es la plus jolie femme de tout le monde .. Tu es chouette, et gentille, et très mignonne, et je t'aime pour toujours.''

A slightly pink blush is covering Santana's cheeks and she looks at Brittany with so much love in her eyes. Even though she didn't understand everything her wife just said to her, she knew it was probably very cheesy, and incredibly sweet.

_This,_ is why she loves her.

After High School, Brittany suddenly got a sholarship for MIT, some fancy math university. She didn't last that long, but there were a few benefits of her being used as a math monkey. They let her travel all over the world to meet important people who mastered in physics and stuff. So one time, they sent her to France. In Paris she met a cute, young girl; Kiki, whom she learned French from. But they obviously broke up when Brittany had to go back to the US. And also because she was still secretely hoping Santana would be waiting for her .. But anyway, Brittany doesn't speak that much of French, but she sure knows how to charm a lady.

After they finish their dinner, they do the dishes together in the kitchen. After that, they chill a bit on the couch and discuss their baby dreams.

''Are you suuure you don't want a Lord Tubbington?'' Brittany says hopefully, and Santana smiles.

''No, Britty .. But do you have any other options?''

''Uuuuhmm ...'' the blonde bites her lip. ''For a boy?''

''Yah''

''Eeehm.. I don't really know .. What about you?''

''I like Michael for a boy, don't you?''

Brittany nods smiling ''Yeah that's cute .. Ooh if it's a girl we should call her Sugar!''

Santana laughs ''Why?''

''Because if she's a combination of us two she's gonna be super sweet!''

Santana chuckles and shakes her head. ''Your parents should've called you cheesy'' she winks and quickly pecks her wife on the lips.

Brittany blushes and smiles at her ''I know .. But you know what I really want someday?''

Santana smiles and sits up a little, facing Brittany. ''What?'' She asks interested.

''A house by the lake .. with this giant porch and a swingset and a farm with lots of pets..'' She says, causing Santana to chuckle.

''You want all that? A farm and a house with a lake?''

''Hmm ... No .. The farm isn't nescessary''

The brunette smiles amused ''I'll try my my best to give you everything you want, baby. I love you so much..''

Brittany raises an eyebrow at her and smirks ''You're just trying to get laid, aren't you?''

Santana winks at her ''You know me so well ..''

The blonde giggles and gets up from the couch. She reaches out her hand to Santana ''May I escort you to the bedroom, m'lady?'' She says in a horrible British accent, and Santana laughs at her.

''With pleasure, my love''

* * *

Santana opens her eyes. Brittany is still sound asleep next to her, but luckily enough, she's laying on the other side of the bed. Santana softly moves so she can look at the alarm clock. She sighs. It's 9am on a sunday morning, and she's awake.

9am. That's like the middle of the night.

Suddenly she remembers Brittany telling her they were going to the pharmacie tomorrow. Tomorrow, is that today? She has no idea what time it was when Britt told her this. It was just one of their after-sex talks that never really stuck in Santana's brain.

Are pharmacies even open on sundays?

Let's just say she meant monday ..

_Then I'll still have to text her..,_ Santana thinks. She closes her eyes for a couple of seconds, before sneaking out of bed and taking her phone with her. As she walks over to the bathroom, she scrolls through the contacts on her phone.

She has to be in here somewhere .. Santana murmurs to herself. She stops in front of the bathroom door and grins.

Eureka.

Found her.

She quickly selects 'text' and closes the bathroom door behind her. She sits down on the edge of the giant bath tub, and starts typing a message.

When she hears a door squeek open, she freezes. Very quietly, she walks over to the toilet and flushes it. She then opens the tap for a couple of seconds, and turns it off again. She hides her phone in her bra and after another couple of seconds, she opens the door, and walks out..

* * *

**Thoughts? This chapter is a bit shorter sorry. Also I'm trying to make it a bit less depressing so just tell me what u think**


	4. Chapter 4

"San? Are you up?''

Brittany walks down the stairs and glances in the kitchen. She smiles as she sees Santana struggling with the coffe machine. She walks over to her and pecks her on the cheek.

''Hey'' she whispers ''Why are you up so early?''

Without turning around, Santana mumbles a response. ''I couldn't sleep''

''Oh'' Brittany frowns. ''Why not? Is something wrong?''

''No, I just woke up and couldn't fall asleep again''

Santana slams on the coffee machine and it makes a weird sound. Brittany chuckles and softly pushes Santana to the side.

''Let me handle that. You just set the table or something ..''

Santana mumbles something and then walks out of the kitchen. She has never been a morning person, but this morning she's extra grumpy.

Well, not grumpy. A bit hopeless maybe.

She grabs two plates and places them on the table, before she sits down. She takes her phone out of her hiding place and quickly finishes the message. She stares at the screen for a second, takes a deep breath, and then presses send. Her phone displays '_message sent_' , and she sighs.

She quickly shoves her phone across the table as Brittany walks in the livingroom with two cups of coffee, milk, and the coffeecan.

Santana never got how she could carry more than two things in her hands and not drop anything. Even though her hands are full, and she's walking really slowly, she still moves so gracefully.

A feeling of guilt creeps up on Santana and she looks down. She knows Brittany deserves way better than her, she never understood why the girl still chooses to stay with her despite of her never ending rants and panic attacks and Snixx moments. Brittany is a way better person than she is, she knows that. And it's damn time she starts treating the blonde like she deserves to treated.

Brittany sits down and frowns at Santana, who is staring at her.

''San? I asked you to set the table .. Are we eating plates for breakfast this morning?''

Santana snaps back in reality and looks at her wife. She quickly gets up.

''No, sorry, I'll be right back.''

Brittany watches her shuffle out of the livingroom and smiles. ''That was easy ..'' she mumbles to herself. She picks up a magazine and flicks through it until she gets interrupted by a buzzing phone. She frowns and looks around, before she notices Santana's BlackBerry lighting up. The phone doesn't stop buzzing, she's getting a call.

''San! Someone's calling you!'' Brittany shouts to the kitchen.

When she doesn't get a response, she takes the phone and picks up.

''Santana's phone, who is this?''

It's not really a new thing. When the other person isn't around at the moment, they answer eachother's phonecalls. Since they actually never keep secrets from eachother, it has always worked. Except maybe one time. Santana was planning on proposing to Brittany, and when she was visiting one of her friends and didn't have her phone with her, she received a phone call.

Thinking it was someone from work, Brittany answered the phone. It's quite obvious that she was a bit confused when asked how many lily's she wanted to have delivered.

''Uh .. Are you sure you've got the right number? No .. This is Brittany, I can pass her if you want .. Okay, no problem. Have a good day.'**_'_**

Brittany ends the call and shrugs, before glancing at the screen. She wants to put the phone down again, but something draws her attention. A message is displayed on the screen.

_Santana : Please say you're not working tomorrow.._

Brittany frowns. To Dani? Who's Dani ..?

She quickly puts the phone down as Santana walks up to her, and decides not to bring the text up. After all, it's not right to snoop around in your partner's phone. Although that wasn't really what the blonde was doing, anyway.

''Who was calling me?'' Santana asks, as she places two knives, two spoons, and two cups on the table.

She looks at Brittany questionly.

''Uh, I don't know. Some girl named Danielle ..''

_Oh ... Dani .. Danielle .. Is she the same person?_

Santana's eyes widen ''Dan .. She called me?''

''Uh .. Yeah, I told her I could pass you through but she said she would call back later.''

''Britt! Why did you even pick up my phone?''

Brittany frowns ''Uh .. Don't we always do that?''

''Yeah .. Yeah you're right I'm sorry. Can you pass me my phone please?''

''Sure ..'' Brittany mumbles. She grabs the phone and hands it to Santana.

''I'm just gonna .. - "

" - Yeah ..'' the blonde answers, before turning to her plate and sighing.

There's still nothing eatable on the table.

She walks into the kitchen and grabs some cheese, ham and jelly. She closes the fridge as she hears Santana talk on the phone.

She sounds upset.

_**''**No .. Why are you even calling me? I told you not to do that. That was my .. that was Brittany! Just .. Don't be there tomorrow. Please.'_'

Don't be there tomorrow? Okay definitely same person, the blonde thinks.

Brittany glances around the corner of the kitchen door and holds her ear to the wall.

She knows she shouldn't be doing this, but she's just a really curious person.. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

_''You know I can't do that.'' _Brittany hears.

_''I don't want to see you there just .. Stay at home, fix something I don't care. Just make sure you're not going to be there.''_

Brittany frowns. She really, really hopes this isn't what it sounds like .. And what place is she talking about the entire time? Are they going somewhere tomorrow? Is Santana going somewhere tomorrow?

_''Great. Now stop calling me at home.''_

Brittany realises Santana has ended the call, and she quickly turns around, placing the food onto a tray.

Santana walks in the kitchen and frowns at her.

''Just grabbing some .. Uh, stuff ..'' the blonde murmurs as she picks up the tray and takes it to the livingroom.

Santana bites her lip.

_Shit_.

She follows her wife to the table and sits down across from her.

''So ..'' Brittany begins ''I would like to be at the pharmacie around noon, is that okay with you? That way we still have some time to do .. Uh, fun stuff.'' she chuckles.

Santana nods slowly, before realising what Brittany had just said.

''No ..'' she protests ''No, can't we go tomorrow? I mean, they're probably not even open on a sunday..''

''Yes they are'' Brittany says simply ''You were the one looking it up on the internet, remember?''

''I was ..? Oh, I was, yeah .. But uh, I searched for the opening hours for uh .. Monday.''

''Oh, really?'' Brittany asks, trying to sound surprised.

She knows Santana is lying to her, she was looking over her shoulder when she was scrolling through the site.

But she's not going to argue about this.

''Fine, we can go tomorrow.''

''Awesome'' Santana smiles and takes a slice of bread out the basket.

''But can I ask you something, San?''

''Yeah sure'' the brunette mumbles, taking a bite from her sandwich.

''Are Dani and Danielle the same person?''

Santana chuckles ''Why are you asking me that? Are you scared I'm cheating on you or something?''

''No ..'' Brittany lies. ''I was just wondering..''

''How do you know about Dani anyway?'' Santana asks frowning, and Brittany gulps looking down.

''You know what?'' Santana continues ''It doesn't matter. We .. - '' she takes Brittany's hand in hers and looks at her ''- Are going to the pharmacie tomorrow, we're going to ask what we want to know, we're gonna come home and think about it. And if you want to talk about other things, we can do that too. But can we just have a fun day today? We can go out if you want.''

Brittany looks up and smiles. ''I would like that''

''Yeah?'' Santana chuckles ''You would like that huh?''

''Uhuh'' Brittany smiles at her and then stands up. ''And I can choose where we're going?''

Santana smirks ''I already know what you want to do so .. Just say it out loud''

''We're going to the park'' Brittany laughs.

Santana winks at her ''I knew it''

* * *

Santana is sitting on a bench by the playground. She smiles as she sees Brittany signing she has to come over.

She gets up and walks over to the blonde on the swingset.

''Didn't we have our first date here?'' Santana asks smiling, as she softly pushes Brittany so she's swinging back and forth.

''No'' Brittany says ''Our first date was at breadsticks .. We came here some time before that.''

''Oh .. I guess you didn't think of it as a date then ..''

Brittany stops the moving by placing her feet on the ground. She looks at Santana and smiles sweetly.

''You thought of that as a date?''

''Well ..'' Santana curses herself for blushing ''I think so ..''

''That's cute'' Brittany says smiling, before turning forward again.

''Push me'' she instructs Santana, who does as her wife says.

Must be a funny sight, two grown ups on a swingset, discussing their first date.

But Brittany would never care what people thought of her, and Santana learned from her that she shouldn't care so much either.

''San?''

"Yah"

''I can't remember our first kiss''

Santana laughs ''Just think of that as a very, very good thing''

''Why?'' Brittany glances over her shoulder and frowns. ''Do you remember?''

''Ofcourse I do'' she winks ''But I get that you don't ..''

Brittany chuckles ''Do I even want to know why I don't remember?''

''You were sooo wasted'' Santana laughs. ''Quinn and I had to keep you from ripping of your clothes and giving everyone, -including me and her- a sensual lapdance''

''Nooo'' Brittany whines ''I don't think I want to hear this''

Santana pushes her forward and grins ''Do you really think that would make me stop?''

''You are so bad''

Santana holds the swing still and whispers in Brittany's ear. ''Hmhm .. Reeeally bad''

Brittany rolls her eyes and laughs ''Just keep swinging me, honey''

Santana chuckles ''Just keep swinging, just keep swinging..'' she sings.

''Fish are friends, not food!'' Brittany suddenly shouts, causing Santana to burst out laughing.

''We're so childish, Britt. Do you think we will ever really grow up?''

''Not on my watch'' the blonde grins, but then gets serious. ''I believe you're as old as you feel. Everybody has a happy kid's spirit inside of them, or sometimes it can even be a different person. I believe that only the day you lose that spirit, you start growing old.''

Santana smiles ''Don't let me lose you, Britt. I don't want to grow old yet.''

* * *

**Thoughts? **


	5. Chapter 5

Brittany walks into the pharmacy, dragging her wife behind her. She had been a brat the whole ride there and is still whing how she doesn't want to go.

"San. You were the one who proposed all this, remember?"

Santana frowns and looks down. She grumbls a response, but Brittany acts like she didn't hear it.

"Hello!"

She greets the pharmacy lady with a smile, and pushes Santana forward. "This is my wife, Santana. She's being a bit childish right now, so you don't have to pay much attention to her."

She softly smacks Santana's arm "Babe. Say hi."

Santana sighs and eventually looks up at the woman behind the counter. She hints an awkward smile as the lady clearly recognises her.

"Well, well. Santana Lopez. As if that hasn't been a while."

Brittany frowns "You .. Do you know each other?"

Santana opens her mouth to explain, but the lady doesn't give her a chance. "She dated my daughter for a while, broke her heart .. But well, you're still good friends, right? What a shame she isn't here today."

Santana hums a bit, receiving a weird look from Brittany.

"You're still friends with this girl? Do I know her?"

Santana raises an eyebrow at her and the blonde shrugs. "Pure curiosity .."

Santana sighs "No, you don't really know her .. Maybe from a party or something but .. No"

"Wait. Is it that Dani girl? That you were calling a couple of days ago and who won't stop texting you?"

"I recall that your relationship with my daughter was ought to be a secret affaire .. Wasn't it, Santana?"

"Mrs. Monroe, I really don't think ..-"

"-You had an affaire?" Brittany interrupts her.

Santana quickly shakes her head. "Babe, no. No I didn't have an affair with her, you-"

"-Not with her?! So with someone else, or what?"

"No! Brittany, let me finish!"

The blonde gulps and looks at her wife. "Okay. Explain."

Santana frowns "I .. I didn't have an affair with her, I .. Or with anyone else! It was just .."

"An energy exchange?" Brittany huffs.

"Yes! .. No! I don't know, Britt! But we weren't even together when it happened I just .."

"We weren't together?"

"I .. No, I don't think so. I mean, of course not."

"Hmm" the lady behind the counter hums "It always seemed quite sneaky to me"

"Will you shut up for a second?!" Santana snaps. The woman holds her hands up and turns around.

When Santana turns to face her wife, the blonde is gone.

* * *

"Brittany! Brittany wait! Don't leave, please! Britt!"

The blonde turns around, her eyes filled with tears. "How could you do this to me?"

Santana approaches her, slowly, carefully.

"Brittany, listen to me, please .."

"Why should I?" The blonde cries. "You did the one thing we promised never to do!"

"Brittany .." Santana croaks. Her troath is dry and her voice sounds raspy and unsure. "Brittany, I swear to God I didn't cheat on you. You have to believe me"

The blonde bites her lip until she tastes the blood on her tongue. "Oh how I want to believe you .." She whispers out. "But I don't. I can't keep believing you anymore, Santana" she licks a tear of her lips and gulps. "There are too many lies, and secrets and .. And it just hurts too much .."

With those words, the blonde turns around again. Santana runs after her and grabs her arm, stopping her from leaving.

"I know. I know that I am a terrible person and that I hurt you and that I'm not treating you the way you deserve to be treated. And I know I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I didn't betray you, Brittany. That's a promise I will never break. Never."

Brittany looks her in the eyes and the woman can feel her heart break in her chest. She looks so unhappy, and betrayed, and sad. And the worst part is that Santana can't do anything about it.

She knows that Brittany would just push her away right now. And she has the damn right to do so. Santana knows that she has to make a change, because the only thing that she ever wanted in this life is for this beautiful, silly little blonde to be happy.

Then why doesn't she do anything about it?

Brittany gulps, swallows her tears and raises her head. "You" she takes a breath. "You are not a terrible person. You're just full of empty promises."

She blinks and looks down, before continuing to talk "I have always believed in you, Santana. Always. I thought that .. That with the right amount of love and care and kisses that you would be fine, you know .. That we would be okay. But we're not. And it's time that we start accepting that."

"Brittany .." Santana whispers.

The blonde's tears have dried, the look in her eyes is stronger, making Santana weak. Brittany looks so determent. So confident. So .. Sure.

"I'm not saying I want a divorce"

Her voice cracks at the last words and she blinks a couple of times. "I'm just .. Maybe what we need is some space"

"Space?"

Santana gets a lump in her troat and she feels tears coming up, but she won't try to hold them back. "Brittany .. We don't need space .. I can't be away from you I .. I need you in my life, I can't do this without you .."

As Santana's eyes start to water, Brittany gulps, trying to hold back the intense feeling of sadness, and the sudden need to pull her wife close to her and hold her in her arms and pepper her with kisses until she falls asleep.

"Santana," she manages to get out "Don't you see? You can't do this with me either .. I have tried to get you back on your feet .. I have tried so, so hard .. Maybe I'm just not the one for you, maybe you need someone else .."

She looks down, not wanting to look Santana in her eyes when she says these words out loud. "Maybe you were meant to be with that Dani girl .."

"No" Santana protests. Her cheeks are wet, her eyes puffy. She wipes away a tear. "You can't say that. It's not true. I belong with you. You, and nobody else. Dani, she was just a fling. A crush, a nothing. You are everything to me. If there is anyone, anybody in this world that can possibly handle me and my loads of bagage and fucked up mind, it's you. Only you."

"But you see, that is the problem .." Brittany says quietly. "I can't handle it anymore."

Santana watches the love of her life walk away from her, and this time her heart shatters into pieces. Thousands and thousands and thousands. And still, she loves Brittany with every broken piece of her heart.

She rushes home, hoping she might be there. But the door is locked, and the lights are out. The house is quiet, too quiet. Her footsteps make the wooden floor squeak beneath her feet, the radiator softly makes the sound of a driving train.

She sits down on the sofa, a pillow in her arms, and she thinks. She thinks about everything that went wrong, and everything that was good. She thinks about every little thing that she loves about Brittany, and how she should appreciate her wife more. She should appreciate how she looks in the morning, when she just woke up in her arms, with sleepy eyes and messed up hair. She should appreciate her cute little giggles, but also her never ending laugh. Her beautiful eyes, Santana's favourite shade of blue. Her full, pink lips, that are so soft she melts into them every time they touch hers.

She should appreciate her more, now that she still can.

But at this very moment, she knows Brittany doesn't want to see her. Or talk to her, or be with her. She needs a moment to cool down and think.

She knows her just like that.

The brunette walks over to her desk and rips a paper out of her notebook. She bites her lip, nibbles on the pencil in her hand, twirls a lock of hair around her finger, and eventually writes down some words. She sends her best friend a text that she's coming over, and she throws some stuff in a bag.

Enough to leave, too little to stay away.

She knows Brittany will come home soon, she disappears before that. She hopes they won't meet on the sidewalk, but on the other hand she hopes to see her one more time before she goes. She will come back. She isn't leaving. She isn't running from her problems, like Brittany always tells her that's what she does. She's just giving her wife some space, because that is what she wished for.

_You say the dream, and I help to build the dream. That's what a partnership is all about, right?_

Santana hears Brittany's word echoing through her mind.

Her crazy, fucked up mind.

By the time she gets to Quinn's house, she guesses Brittany must have arrived at their house too. It would take her a minute or two before she realises that she's alone. Seven minutes to notice Santana's toothbrush is gone but her hairbrush isn't, and eleven minutes to find the note on her bedroom door.

_Brittany._

_i don't know if i can yell any louder. how many times have i kicked you out of here? or said something insulting? i can be so mean when i want to be, i am capable of really anything. i can cut you into pieces when my heart is broken._

_please don't leave me. i always say that i don't need you. but it's always going to come right back to this. i forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me._

_but baby i don't mean it. i mean it, i promise._

_i love you, please don't leave._

Brittany fumbles the paper in her hand and then flattens the wrinkles again. She takes it downstairs and lays it down on the table, before sitting on a chair and starting to stare at it.

She knows these are not Santana's words, she knows they are from a song, but she understands. Perhaps she even believes her wife when she says she didn't cheat on her, maybe she should just try. But she always tries so hard. Maybe their relationship is just too far gone, not able to be saved anymore. But what if it is? What if they do just need time, and a bit of space? What if that is all it takes to bring back their love, to save their marriage?

Because Brittany still loves her wife, very much. There isn't one person on this earth that could possibly replace her. And she doesn't want to let go.

But sometimes holding on is just too hard.

She folds up the paper and places it in a drawer in their bedroom. As she takes off her clothes and crawls into bed, she wonders where Santana might be.

Santana sips from her wine and raises her eyebrows at Quinn, as the blonde is watching her curiously.

"What?" She mumbles.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

Santana shrugs "Wasn't planning on it."

Quinn sighs and take Santana's glass out of her hands. She puts it down on the table. The glass forms a little red circle when a drip of red wine slides down.

"Hey .. That's mine"

"Technically, it's mine. Now tell me why you're here. Did Britt kick you out or something?"

Santana grumbls a bit, before picking up her glass again, receiving an eye roll from Quinn. She takes a big gulp and looks up.

"Brittany and I had a fight."

Quinn scoffs "No shit"

"No, I mean like .. A serious fight. She wants to keep space or .. Whatever"

Now the blonde frowns at her surprised "Does she want a divorce?"

"No .. No, she said she didn't want that but just .. Well yeah, space. So I came here."

"Okay" Quinn nods, while standing up and picking up the now empty glasses of wine. "You're welcome to stay here, on the one condition that you tell me everything."

Santana rolls her eyes and sighs "Fine."

* * *

**Thoughts?**


	6. Chapter 6

"Santana."

"Hmm .."

Quinn hands her a cup of coffee and sits down. "Tell me what's going on .. You're usually never this down when you two fighted."

Santana sighs and fills her bowl with Honey Pops. She stares at it for a second, then looks up. "I just .. Don't want to talk about it."

"You look tired"

"Yeah .. I didn't sleep"

A worried frown appears on Quinn's face, and she takes Santana's hand. She softly caresses the palm of Santana's hand with her thumb and looks at her.

"What happened .."

Santana gulps. "Brittany-" she croaks. She clears her troat and bites her lip, "she doesn't trust me anymore. She doesn't believe in us anymore .. She just .. Stopped"

Quinn furrows her eyebrows a bit confused "Does she has reason to?"

Santana sighs "I guess"

* * *

Brittany sits up in bed, leaning against the headboard. She lets out a deep sigh and takes in the view of her empty bedroom. Santana didn't come home last night.

Brittany knows she's at Quinn's, part because she always goes there when she's in trouble, but also because Quinn texted her last night. Brittany reaches for her phone and unlocks it.

Still no message from her.

She scrolls through her texts and opens Quinn's again.

**Quinnie : San is here, has been sobbing for hours. What happened?**

Brittany sighs. She had answered that Quinn had to ask Santana if she wanted to know, and she still hasn't got a reply.

No Quinn.

No Santana.

Just her.

Brittany, alone, in an empty, cold bed. She lies down on her side and texts her co-choreographer that she won't be in today. He calls her within five minutes, but she declines the call and turns off her phone, before turning and burying her face in her wife's pillow.

* * *

Santana absent mindedly plays with the hem of her shirt, staring out of the window. Suddenly she looks up.

"Why are you still single?" She asks Quinn.

Quinn chuckles "I don't know.. I guess people are scared of me or something. My last boyfriend broke up with me because I was too '_intimidating'"_ she says, making air quotations with her hands.

"Yeah .. But I'm like that too."

"That is true."

Santana turns around and faces her. "Have you ever been in love? Like, really, really in love? That you meet this person, and you are so grateful for them. So happy that every second you spend with them is worth all the ones you're apart..?"

Quinn looks down "I have.."

"Why did you let them go?"

She looks up at Santana and raises an eyebrow. "Why are you letting Brittany go?"

* * *

Brittany crawls out of bed, cursing her headache when she gets up and needs to steady herself by grabbing the doorframe. She stumbles downstairs, walks into the livingroom. It hasn't even been a day, and she already misses her wife. She shouldn't miss her this much, not when they're fighting and Santana hurt her so bad.

And yet, she can't help it.

At this moment, all she wants is to lie in Santana's arms, listen to her calming heartbeat and whisper that she loves her, despite all of her flaws. Despite her rants and her temper, despite all of their fights, despite all of the times they broke eachother's hearts.

She loves her, despite the fact that it hurts.

* * *

"San? What are you doing?"

"You're right. I am letting her go."

She rushes through the living room and throws on a sweatshirt hanging over a chair.

"Hey, that's mine!"

"Quinn." Santana looks at her and bites her lip. "Tell me that I have to go. I don't want to let her slip away, not again. I can't handle that." She shakes her head softly.

"But I need you to tell me, that this is the right thing to do."

Quinn sighs deeply. "Since when do you listen to anything I say, Santana? If you think this is the right thing, then go for it. I don't know what's right or wrong in your relationship"

"What would you do?"

"I ..-" Quinn frowns "I don't know. I would probably be doing the exact same thing you're doing right now .."

Santana's chest rises with every breath she takes, she's breathing heavily, staring at Quinn. Her shoes are already on her feet, the keys in her hand. All she needs to do is turn around and walk out of this door.

"Really?" She squeeks.

Quinn rolls her eyes. "Just go .. But don't push her to talk if she doesn't want to."

Santana nods, takes a deep breath, and disappears out of the apartment. Quinn laughs when she walks away, Santana is still wearing her pyjama pants.

* * *

Brittany pours herself a cup of chocolate milk and sits down on the couch. She pulls her legs up and rests her chin on her knees. It was just a few days ago that they seemed so good, they seemed to be getting better. And then suddenly they crash down again.

But something in Brittany still doesn't want to give up, still wants to try. Even though the other half of her is just too tired. This situation is so exhausting, and every time Brittany thinks they're going to be okay, something like this happens.

She gets up and wanders around the house. Her fingers trace the picture frames and the book shelfs, and she holds still when she sees the photo of their wedding day. She takes it in her hands and stares at it, studies every little detail. Her arm around Santana's waist, the bright smile on her face. Brittany was looking at the camera, posing, but Santana was looking at her, only her. The look in her eyes is so sweet, so full of love, Brittany melts every time she sees her like that.

They looked so happy. Like they just knew they were meant for eachother, and that it was the best day of their lives. Brittany bites her lip, trying to hold back the urge to start crying and sobbing in a corner. She feels her eyes water, so she blinks, and wipes over the picture when a teardrop falls down.

She doesn't want to let go of Santana, she doesn't want to leave her. She knows it won't do any of them good. Brittany would go back to drunken one night stands and Santana would probably get depressed again, and turn in to an even bigger workaholic than she is now.

_I should call her .._ Brittany thinks._ No, I should just go over at Quinn's. But what if she doesn't want to see me? What if Quinn suddenly hates me for making her best friend cry?_

She is pulled out of her thoughts by the door bell. She gulps, attempts to wipe her eyes dry and quickly glances in the mirror. It's obvious she has been crying, her eyes are puffy and red. She thinks about pretending she isn't home, but when the bell rings again, she cautiously walks over to the door.

She takes a deep breath, trying to get herself under control, and opens the front door.

Brittany bites her bottom lip when she suddenly stands face to face with Santana. Their sad eyes meet, neither of them say a word. Brittany stares at her wife, she looks worn out, tired, beaten down. She has been crying too, Brittany can tell. Santana sniffs, breaking the silence.

She hesitates, opens her mouth and closes it again, before looking down, staring at her feet. She nervously fiddles with her hands.

"I'm sorry" she whispers, barely hearable. She looks up, locks eyes with Brittany and purses her lips together to not start crying. "I am so sorry"

Brittany's lip trembles, before she closes the space between them and crashes into Santana's arms. Santana catches her, wraps her arms around her waist and pulls her closer. Tears are streaming down her face as she holds her wife as tightly as possible, her body shaking.

"I'm so sorry, Britty .." Santana repeats, burying her face in the blonde's hair and letting her tears darken Brittany's shirt. Brittany holds her, crying uncontrollably, wrapping her arms around Santana's neck.

They stand in the doorway for a while, when Brittany slowly lets go of Santana. She loosens her grip, arms still around her, and looks her in the eyes. Santana is still sobbing, Brittany now fully lets go of her, but then takes her hand, and closes the door behind them.

Santana is leaning against a wall, hand in her hair. She looks helpless. Her shoulders are shaking, and the look in her eyes breaks Brittany's heart. Brittany stands with her back against the door, closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath. At least one of them has to function properly right now, and from experience, she knows Santana isn't able to do that in such situations.

Brittany opens her eyes when she feels a hand on her arm. The cold of Santana's fingers is a contrast with her warm skin and she shivers, before looking up at the woman in front of her. She can see Santana trying to get control of herself, to steady her breathing, but still she looks like a beaten puppy.

"I'm sorry .. I love you" she manages to get out. "I love you, Brittany"

Her voice is shaky and tired, but sincere. Brittany believes her. She puts her arms around Santana's waist, and lets the woman lean into her. Santana is hanging onto her like it's a matter of life and death, but Brittany feels her relax a little when she starts stroking her back slowly.

"I know" she whispers."I know you do, baby"

Santana looks up at her. "I really .. I swear to God I would never cheat on you.."

Brittany gulps and nods "I know .. I would never cheat on you either .."

"I know .. I love you so much .." Santana whispers, before burying her face in the blonde's hair.

Brittany sighs "I love you too"

Santana frees herself from her wife's embrace and she wipes her eyes. She looks up at her and bites her bottom lip.

"We should talk .."

"Yeah" Brittany croaks. "We should"

Santana nods slowly, takes her wife's hand and leads her to the couch. She sits down, still holding her hand.

"I .." she takes a deep breath and looks up. "I am going to tell you, everything."

Brittany shows a little smile. "Is there so much to tell ..?"

"Well .." Santana slightly lifts her shoulders "No .. But I just think there are some things we need to talk about."

The blonde nods "Okay .. Let's start at the beginning."

"Maybe .. Maybe we should just say what we want to change .. Or something"

Brittany frowns "Maybe we should start by thinking if we even want to change .."

She sees the confused look in Santana's eyes and quickly corrects herself. "I mean if we're willing to change for the better .. To make changes in our relationship, maybe even make sacrifices .."

"Yeah .. But I am. Willing to do that." She looks up "Are you?"

Brittany breathes out, then takes Santana's hand in hers again. "Of course I am .. But it's gonna be hard. And we are probably going to fight a lot more but .. I think that it's going to be worth it."

"I know." Santana nods. "So .." she hints a smile at her wife "What is it that you can't stand about me?"

Brittany rolls her eyes and chuckles "Oh, where do I begin .." she smiles as Santana pouts at her, but she manages to get serious again. They are finally talking, and she's not gonna screw that up.

"You know, it's not that .. It's not that there are things I can't stand but .."

"Brittany, please be honest with me .. This is only going to work if we're honest with eachother. Okay? And if the other says something we don't like, we don't interrupt them. We just .. Listen"

Brittany can't help her lips curling up in a little smile. "I wanted to you you'd be an excellent relationship therapist, but then I realised you literally cut me off, just to say we can't interrupt eachother."

Santana frowns "Oh .. Sorry. Go on"

Brittany opens her mouth to continue, but Santana stops her. "Sorry, just one more thing. I am not going to be a relationship therapist ever, one human being at a time is already hard enough. I mean they just keep whining, and nagging, and they just go on and on and ooon ..." she sighs and shakes her head. "Anyway, just talk to me."

The blonde raises an eyebrow "May I?"

She receives a nod and an apologising smile from her wife, and continues. "It's just, we make promises to eachother, we have been doing that since the start and .. You know how big I am on promises. And then, you just break them, like, knowing you're breaking a promise to me. I would think that by now, you'd know that you hurt me with that .. And I know it's hard for you to understand how I feel when you come home two hours later than you promised, but it just happens so often and .. I'm so tired of eating alone, and staying up waiting, just to end up yelling at you."

Santana bites her lip and nods slowly. "Thank you for being honest with me." She whispers. "Anything else ..?"

Brittany shakes her head "Let's take turns, okay? I don't want you to get all my crap at once .."

"It's not crap" Santana comments "But okay .."

She looks up at the ceiling and sighs, before facing her wife. "I know that .. I know we're married and all, and that you want to spend as much time with me as you can. And I want that too, believe me. I can't even describe how much I love just hanging out with you, laying on the couch, or talking. But it's just that .. I feel like I barely see Quinn, or Puck, or even Rachel anymore. I mean, Quinn has been one of my best friends for ages, and I practically only see her when I'm fighting with you."

"What are you-"

"-Britt .."

Brittany looks down "Sorry .. Go on"

"I just miss my friends sometimes, you know .. And you, you're my best friend. You have always been and nothing is gonna change that but .. We're young, we should be exploring, discovering the world .."

Brittany nods slowly. "So you feel like you're being tied down by me?"

"No, not.." She sighs. "It's not just you. And I don't have a single regret about marrying you, even though we were too young in everyone's opinion. I just .. I want to go exploring, with you .."

The blonde frowns, a little smile appearing on her face. "We can do that .. I would love to go traveling with you, going on adventures.."

Santana hints a smile back. "I guess I miss us just having fun the most"

"Me too .." Brittany replies, playing with the hem of her shirt. "But sometimes I feel like there is always something more interesting in your life than me"

"You sometimes make me feel like I'm not that important, but then you get angry when I'm not around."

"Sometimes I feel like you don't want to try anymore."

Santana looks up. "Do you really?"

Brittany shrugs, biting her lip. "I .. Yeah" she mumbles.

"I'm sorry, baby .. For everything."

The blonde looks up at her wife. "I'm sorry, too"

"I love you" Santana says smiling. "And I always will."

Brittany hints a smile back. "You promise?"

Santana smiles brightly, and links her pinkie with Brittany's.

"I promise."

* * *

**Thoughts?**


End file.
